I Feel Like No One Really Cares

I am 18 years old, 19 next Saturday, and I have felt like crap for most of my life. Depression is a really nasty and horrible disease and then when things in your life just keep getting suckier, other things like bipolar disorder arise. I think I have bipolar disorder. I know I already have depression. I have been talked to by counselors and all that for numerous things that I have tried to do to end the pain. ( no, not drugs, kiddos). I think I will do separate stories on things that have happened to me and why I think I have turned out this way. I am angry all of the time and every little thing someone does can really set me off into an oblivion. I guess I will start off with losing a best friend named Jessie. Please go to next post. 

My Worst Friendship Part 2...

So as I promised before, I would tell you about another bad friendship that I had in high school. I will just call this person Angie. I met Angie my sophomore year of high school. I was having issues with "Jane" and I felt that I needed to make another friend and get close to her as revenge sort of. I actually ended up truly close to this Angie. Anyways, we had gym class together and she would tell me all these stories about her life and things of that nature. It usually didn't make sense when she told these stories and I found out she was lying to me and everyone she was talking to about her life. Before I get to that, I think it is only right to give background on her as before. (I really don't give a rat's ass if you think I am slut shaming or anything. Oh well, it's my life and its events so deal with it). She told me that she had a boyfriend and that was true, I met him. She told me all these stories about cheating on her boyfriend and that she was sort of proud of doing it. We all ate lunch together and she would sneak off for about 10-15 minutes and cheat with some other dudes on campus. You would think she would try not to be obvious about it. Her boyfriend knew of some of her cheating because she told him and he was sort of a pussy and let her run all over him and things of that nature. He was such a stud compared to any other guy out there so I have no idea what stopped him from breaking up with this whore in favor of some other nice young lady. Anyways, she even tried to get with me, but I am not the type of person to engage in cheating and knowing of cheating. Now, to the part that made her a horrible friend to me and to anyone else in her presence. She would lie about everything in her life, from the smallest things to the biggest things. Smallest: her eye color. We all know damn well when someone is wearing contacts. She had brown eyes naturally and had costume blue contacts on for school. Now I couldn't care less about contacts, weaves, nails, because everyone has them. Just don't sit there and lie about it. " Oh, these are my real eyes". Yeah right. Biggest thing she lied about was about her mother. She said that first that she was adopted and then she said that her mother was stabbed right in front of her.....in Transylvania. What a croc of bullshit. That didn't happen because one night after a concert at my school, her mother actually came to pick her up all fine and dandy, not a scratch on her! How could you lie about something like that? I have half a mind on sending her mother a letter about what her daughter has said about her just for attention. She lied about having an operation done on her and said that a tiny band-aid for minor cuts on her was hiding that operation cuts. No. You would still be at the hospital or at home for the recovery. She also lied to me about having cancer and a lung infection. She told me that she had to go to the nurse to get medication every day. I am at the nurse every day and I never saw her. And then, because I was a guitar major, I knew everything about the department. She told me that my teacher taught an elective class and that she was in it. NO. My teacher never had any electives for guitar. There weren't any electives for music because it was a performance arts school and you already had to have had a high skill to major in it. She was a tech major. She lied about that. See what I am talking about when I say she lies about everything? Our friendship ended when she sexted a boy that I was liking. She told me that she had my back and that she would try to get him to talk to me and yada yada. Yeah she ended up cheating on her boyfriend again with him and betraying me. She didn't see anything wrong with doing something like that. Then she began losing all the people she talked to because of her lies and then the next year she opted to graduate early because she had no one but her boyfriend, who by the way dumped her. As for my feelings about her: again GOOD RIDDANCE. I don't care for her. She lied to me and betrayed me and didn't care about who she hurt in the process of her attention grubbing quest. My life in high school was full of just wow things. ya know? I have more stories. More on Jessica and Daniel and maybe some less traumatic shit that happened and continues to happen in my life. Also, I see the views of each post I make and there are quite a few of em. Please comment your thoughts please. Anyways. Thanks for reading and expect a few more stories soon. Goodbye until next time!!  :D

My Worst Friendship

I was actually inspired to share this story from Weylie on youtube. (ilikeweylie). Anyways, let's get to it shall we....So I will not disclose this person's name(we will call her...Jane). "Jane" and I began to be friends in 6th grade and we met in guitar class. We were nearly inseparable for the rest of middle school. We even started hanging out outside of school, which I know is kinda weird, but she lived far from my house and stuff. Anyways, high school starts and she completely changes. Now, she always liked guys(kind of EXTREMELY boy crazy) and in high school she went buckwild. She started talking to guys and "dating". Now that isn't wild, not until junior year started. She then decided to start skipping class to go to one of the theaters on campus to make out and sleep with guys. It is a wonder she didn't get caught and expelled for it. Anyways, the part where she is a bad friend comes in like this. She would like to me about it or most of the time, NOT EVEN LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT!! She then says she had cancer(I think she is a damn liar on that one, but hey I really don't know because she really could have had it). Then comes back a few weeks later saying she doesn't have it anymore. Anyways, she would ditch me for guys and lie to me about what guys may have liked me and that she would help me get the guy.(Remember we were 15-16 and in high school. Silly thought processes are the forte of girls in high school haha) and all that. Then she would get mad that I would get upset for those things. Then I made another friend(Worst friendship part 2 coming soon on this one) which "Jane" didn't like at all. I am going to be honest. I preferred the other friend instead of "Jane" since she did all that stuff. And I did ignore her and went to the other friend. "Jane" didn't deserve me and she still doesn't and I still am upset with her although I have no idea where she is today. Anyways we had a big fallout during lunch one day when I told her that I never wanted to see or talk to her again and I ignored her and all that until she left(I think dropped out of) high school later that year. As for my feelings about this: Good riddance. She didn't deserve me and I am a very good friend and person so much so that back then people used to TRY to take advantage of me for my kindness but I was way ahead of their games. I have no idea where she is today and I really don't care. Some of my other friends say that they have seen her and that she is now a pornstar. Well, I wouldn't doubt that because of all the actions she has done before. Though she may not be a bad PERSON, she sure is not a good FRIEND. At least to me she was not. Hopefully, she is treating herself with respect as well with others. Part 2 coming soon if I can remember to post it. I am really tired now so goodnight everyone who may come across this blog! :) Thanks for reading!!!

Holy, Son of a.....

It has been WAY too long since I have blogged about anything. I apologize. I was busy with work and as of last week on Monday, I am in college, so I will definitely be busy in the future. I am already really busy now......why must people with boots for when they break or fracture their foot, drag their feet. I mean shit, this is why you hurt now.----sorry. I am still sitting here waiting to go to my last class for today, at 5:30pm. This is ridiculous. I hate night classes. I would rather be at home sleeping then getting up to do my homework and study, MAYBE play the Sims 4 that I just bought. (IT IS AWESOME). Anyways, I have to go now because I have some walking to do and a girl can only go so long before she has gotta pee. I will fill you(who is you? No one reads this.) in on my experiences later. Hopefully I remember because damn. With all that I feel and all that is going on, you would think that I would have the impulse to blog and remember to blog right there wouldn't you. I am really bad at remembering anything. Alrighty then, I have gotta go. Laaaaatuh alligator. That was very VERY lame.

A Month?

Has it really been a month since I last posted? Wow. I have been really depressed and lonely lately. I graduated high school and as I predicted and have been told, no one will want to talk to you or make the efforts anymore. A lot of people I hung out with and were friends with are moving out of state and even out of the country for college so yeah I am pretty alone. My "best friend" wont even return my texts or calls. I don't see how hard it is to talk to someone for a couple of minutes. Life isn't THAT hectic. It is very frustrating. Anyways, I am waiting on a call so that I can start my job at the adventuredome. I checked on my uniform a few days ago. They even made a wardrobe bag for me as well as a jacket. That's nice. Nice perks of working for MGM I suppose. Anyways, I got a job for the money and to make new friends and to not be bored this summer. I gotta start saving up for college and save up for the loans I will accumulate for my education. Hopefully when I am done with school and working my dream job, it'll be all worth it. Hopefully I will be out of my slump soon because I don't like feeling this way. A feeling of pure loneliness. 

College Orientation

I'm a rebel now. A UNLV rebel. I felt so happy on Saturday when I went to orientation. I was with fellow psychology majors and a political science major. It was pretty cool to sit through a day with just a few of the thousands of people I will go to class with in a couple of months. Although, I had an encounter with a coward ex friend , maripet, the biggest whore coward ever. Again, another story for another time. Anyways, I hope for the nest for myself in college. Hm.......Liberal Arts. Sounds cool. Hopefully I can make it through my first semester fine.

Lonely

Well. I guess this is life. I graduate from high school and I really don't have friends. At least, any that I talk to. Now, before school ended, I really didn't talk or hang out with anyone anyways, but now it is amplified. Even my best friend isn't speaking to me. Not that we are fighting or anything, but I feel as if she doesn't care so much to talk. For goodness sakes, we are going to the same college. Oh well. I have a job, so maybe I will find someone or multiple someones to talk to and hang around. It really feels like I just sit in the house until I have something to do. I haven't started my job. I have to go through processing and 2 orientations before I start. I will start mid to late July. Boo. I need money now. Gotta start saving up to be able to move out and help pay for college. I really do not want to stay in this house anymore. Too many ungrateful and mostly irrational people here. I want out. But until then, I will just spend most of my time at school and with other people because I do not want to stay in a house with people who really don't appreciate me. I don't really have a relationship with my family and that is alright I guess. That is in part of why I am so lonely or feel this way, but I have always felt this way around them. But that's another story for another day. 

I Graduated from High School

I did it! I graduated. I'm proud of myself, but the weird thing is, I don't feel anything else. I don't feel excited for college because now I'm just ready to go on to college. By the way, college is so expensive. Poop. But yeah, I graduated and now my life really starts now. I can choose to go to more school or just work(I'm doing both) or do whatever I please. I don't know what lies ahead but I am open to it.

I Got My First Real Job!!

Finally! I got a job. It is at the Adventuredome Las Vegas. I had to go through a group interview and then an individual interview. So much, but it was worth it. Out of thirty people, 12 of us were hired and there were people that I talked to during the group and worked with during the group interview, so it is pretty nice. I cant wait to start working because this is such a cool job. Roller coasters and attractions....just AWESOME! I am hoping that it is going to be a really cool experience and I will be working in the summer and during college hopefully. That's great I think. Finally, things are looking up for me. Thank the Good Lord! :)

Job Interview Time

I'm on my way to a job interview. Hopefully it goes well. I have a feeling it'll be a group interview. No matter. I really want a job and this one is actually a fun one....that is if I get it. Hopefully I don't clam up and come off nervous. Though that's not my personality. I'm more opinionated and outgoing, at least that's how I like to perceive myself. Alright , 47 minutes until I do this thing :)

I Am So Exausted

Well I am back. It is 10:36pm and yep I am very tired. Dealing with crap today. Mom apologized for all the yelling. I guess I am fine. I had to babysit a few kids today. Part of my attempt at making money. Hehe. Well I will just go and sleep now. So tired. Goodnight :)

I Have To Get Out Of This Place

I just had to leave my house just now. I walked to a park/hangout place just to calm down. I have been dealing with so much shit that I just can't take any more of it. My mom is just such a drag and way too much drama, just too much especially lately. She expects me to just clean up the house and do all of that(which I have no problems doing) but then she just expects me to let my younger brother come and fuck up everything I just cleaned. He hollers and screams and she doesn't discipline him at all. She just gets lazy and lets him do whatever the fuck he wants just because he cries. He needs to learn that crying and throwing tantrums doesn't get you anything. He should've been slapped in the mouth in my opinion. Anyways, she then gets mad at me for telling him to clean up his mess after he was done playing. She continues to yell and holler at me saying that, "we deal with you and your funky room all the time". No the fuck she doesn't. I did clean my room and they continue to say it isn't clean. It is. They have a hoarders room and yet they wanna complain about my room. Who is she to talk. She never picks up the house or cleans a damn thing. She comes home and sits on the bed with her laptop, food, and watches television. Every day. Every single day this happens on a schedule. She had a baby almost 7 years ago and got fat and is now spending $10000 on a tummy tuck just that she doesn't have to work of the extra 20-30 pounds she's gained. That's selfish. Especially since she spends countless amounts of money on material things that she doesn't need. I have a job working at my school and I don't really make that much money. She acts like I don't work when I do. I may not make a lot but I do work for just a little pocket change. Since I'm 18 I'm looking for a more paying job. Hell I will even be a cocktail waitress when I reach the age limit. I'll work any job in the Las Vegas, North Las Vegas area. All I know is, I need money really quick. Really I think I'm up for anything, I'm that desperate. Back to the situation at hand, I have to go back because I turned on the oven because I was making something before all that happened. I will continue later and I will because now I have the blogger app on my phone and I will most likely remember to blog more. But I will continue with this story a little later.